it was just us this morning when mommy went to work. as i hold you and carry you to the changing table you hate. I feel so overwhelmed, like tears want to burst out of me. I’ve rarely felt this way in my life. as I pray for you while rubbing on the lotion you need but hate, and I want you to know it comes with love. it’s heartbreaking to feel the slightest rough patch on your skin, and I look into your eyes – eyes that have so much to see.
I fall to my knees when after dropping you off at daycare … a place I call school not only so there will be no change when you go to school, but also because it helps me think of myself as less of a failure to not be able to have you at home. It’s a place where all of the women gathered to see you as you got there though – and I know they do their job.
I go off to do my job – but I think of you constantly. Mommy and you are my world you know? and as your gummy smile turns into one filled with the pearly whites, you’ll take steps to get further and further away from me. I don’t care though – just remember that I’ll carry you to the table and do my best to give you what you need.
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