Ramblings of an Idiot

we go here and there, our family of 3. and i look in the mirror to see my wife who doesn’t know i’m watching, and a baby in yet another mirror. as his face begins to make faces, i see the dimple that links him to mom, and instantly forgotten are the rough nights

I’m here in the hospital struggling w/my memories of losing both my mother and father here. I knew it was going to be an issue, but life needs to look different now. My wife likes this place, and so many of my friends have this as a happy place. For me, I remember the food (so much better today) – the food that was the stuff the legends were made of. I remember how my mother asked the oncology staff to never take her plate because she knew my father would be coming to visit after his 2 jobs. I know that I witnessed true love in its harshest as a child – perhaps it took until today to really understand it. I know what it’s like to sacrificially forge forward in life – throwing away the useless, but holding on unyieldingly to the things that matter. Welcome son – to a heart that seeks healing – but cannot cease but love you.

It makes it perhaps fathomable the love Christ has for me. Still I know that I don’t understand. I really can’t imagine giving up a child for the love of anything – much less a stranger. How can I still be this bad and wretched?

http://www.1waysolution.com/blog/?p=681

I hate cancer! My mother died from it. I found myself staring at my phone – trying to hold back tears as a movie played in the background.  I’m thinking to myself that it has been so many years, but I still miss my mom.  My wife is in the room too, and romantic movies fill the void of a non-romantic husband. She has also had a cancer diagnosis that appears to be over. I try to tell myself that those days are over, and that today and tomorrow are happier times.  Deep breaths and continued prayers should fill my mind and heart…Please give me that victory.

http://www.downloads.schneider-electric.com/sites/pelco/pw/document-list-pelco.page?L=en&p_Brand=Pelco&p_Country=WW&p_LocaleCountry=MT&p=&p_DocumentList_Page=/sites/pelco/pw/document-list-pelco.page&p_Conf=&p_docTypeGroupFilter=29204554

look over their dvr- at least hopefully.

this was reported by a customer to be pelco – let’s just see about that.

video here

I give many thanks for you! Even this morning, as I look around and make the futile attempt of cleaning up MY MESS, I see your footprints all over my life. I know that no matter what happens – God has given me loyalty to Him and to you. I may not really be good at expressing my feelings and heart, but I know that it would kill me more not to be here for you – for us.

Thank you Lord. for the provision, grace, and unwarranted love. I honestly couldn’t make it through the tough times. I know I am weak and prone to fall, so I ask (beg) for the strength to love properly. Let me be meek and strong – give me the posture of a redeemed.

So…we are pregnant. Definitely you are and I’m just along for the ride. Too quickly has the mortal realization that life is fragile. Why do I have to be reminded?

Oncologist looked so happy to tell us just how good things look! I fell so invigorated for what’s next.