Ramblings of an Idiot

(yesterday) Today was supposed to be epic. I’m so broken inside for missing it buddy. You don’t know what it’s like for me – and I don’t want you to. I look at the calendar; I look at the clock. I know there are these firsts – but I’m jailed to the multi-monitored setup. I’m somewhere between forgotten and desperate. I’m thinking there’s something I can or should do. TX is opening up, people are going hungry without their work. I have to help them! I find it hard to even think that I have to also remind you that you mean the world to me. I “took” you indoor downstairs camping last night, then cried myself to wake b/c I couldn’t sleep. I love my family – and I feel I have the duty to do my best to make sure you’re never in that hunger line. I don’t care about government assistance because I never want you to be on the wrong side of that. I know it’s nothing heroic, honorable, or even praiseworthy.. but I want you to have this sense of duty to your family. Yes: it hurts. This is what essential means. A day off in a time like this is not for me – so I’ll cherish the time I do have, and I’ll let you cuddle me as I type this, and I’ll pretend that I have allergies like you do. Mom’s cold shoulder was epic – I know she understands. The hardest part is that she does I think b/c it doesn’t change anything for her – except make it harder. 3 boys 5 and below… 1 in diapers and 3 constantly hungry, wanting mommy, and asking for daddy. It’s just the eve before the next learning opportunities for you – which in this day and age are limited to 1 parent, which she has volunteered for. This is the scramble kid(s) … when life has only been hindered by circumstances out of your control. When you’re not bored, and the thought of being bored is though of with fondness.